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TEAM OF THE WEAK – THE FIRST HALF

Which players promised us so much this season… and have thus far delivered nothing but a fistful of faeces.

Let’s rubber up, and dive the hell in to FPL TEAM OF THE WEAK – THE FIRST HALF.

FLEKKEN – 4.5 – BRENTFORD

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Ranked top of Eric Freeman’s GKs for this season, Flekken has been so bad that he forced him to delete his team and quit the game. The Brentford stopper sits literal bottom of the pile for all permanent keepers in the game, with the exception of Luton’s Kaminski.

Just to put into perspective how fucking bad he is, Martin Dubravka just came up against a record breaking xGC in a 4 goal loss… and accumulated more points than Flekken has in a month.

Professional FPL player Jordie van der Laan STILL owns him.

WHY.

CASH – 4.7 – ASTON VILLA

Accumulating 43 points in his first 10 games, early buyers very much cashed in with Matty. Since then however, he has been as useful as a blindfold in a fucking cave.

Just 7 points in the 9 games since have followed. If you bought him for that run, I suggest you get yourself to the nearest priest.

JAMES – 5.3 – CHELSEA

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Lasting 75 minutes of GW1, the new Chelsea captain promptly got immediately injured and didn’t return until GW9. Like Lemmings to a fucking cliff, absolutely demented FPL managers thirsty for nostalgia piled on.

7 points in 8, including a red card… he then got injured again.

Who could possibly have seen that coming.

DUNK – 5.0 – BRIGHTON

Just 23 points all season, Lewis Dunk has marshalled his defence with all the nous of a pissed up Otter tasked with catching fish in the fucking desert. Recklessly incompetent in almost every game, Brighton finally kept their first clean sheet this week.

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In a game Dunk missed.

STERLING – 7.1 – CHELSEA

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81 points and 11 returns certainly isn’t a disaster, but Sterling has accumulated 43% of his total points in just 2 matches. More famine than feast the rest of the time, Andy Martin patted himself on the bat for buying him ready for Chelsea’s great run… and watched him get dropped.

RASHFORD – 8.4 – MANCHESTER UTD

Just 3 goals so far for the club’s top scorer last campaign. Anybody who showed loyalty to the Manchester Utd attack for much of this season, may as well have taken sand paper to their nether regions.

Rashford has been a shadow of his former self. And literally invisible with regards to tracking back.

MARTINELLI – 7.7 – ARSENAL

Yet to return a score higher than 7 points in a single match, Martinelli is playing like somebody has just hurled a used toilet brush down the wing to see what shit sticks.

He has a ppg of 3.2, which is less than Andros Townsend, Jack Harrison and Mathias Jensen.

A colossal waste of space. He’s like if Jupiter just fucking disappeared.

DIAZ – 7.3 – LIVERPOOL

A barely credible 2.9 ppg, Luis Diaz can “cover” Salah about as well as a single ply strip of toilet paper could cover a naked body. Buying second rate assets from teams who have a clear and obvious talisman is just brainless, basic FPL 101.

Be better, all of you.

FERGUSON – 5.9 – BRIGHTON

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Absolutely destroying Newcastle with a hat trick from the gods back in GW4, the Brighton striker followed up that 17 point haul with five consecutive blanks. He has scored just twice more, completed 90 minutes once and not even started the last 3.

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I don’t want to say people are quick to judge, but there were quite literally tweets comparing him to Harry Kane based on 80 minutes when Trippier was probably knackered from a good pegging the night before.

HOJLUND – 6.8 – MANCHESTER UTD

1 goal from 19 attempts and 9 big chances is pretty shocking, even if Hojlund actually only has a total xG of 3.10 thanks to his truly woeful team mates.

Notably ANTONY, who has a career xA of 3.86 off 41 appearances.

The pair cost £155m.

I can’t go on.

NUNEZ – 7.4 – LIVERPOOL

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The irony is that Darwin Nunez really isn’t THAT bad an FPL asset. He averages over 4 points per game and has 11 returns in just 12 starts. Only 5 forwards have more points than him. He’s miles better than Luis Diaz.

The issue… is how good he COULD be.

His numbers at Liverpool are simply staggering.

14 goals from 142 attempts, of which a mind blowing 110 have been in the box. 48 big chances in total.

His overall conversion rate is actually getting worse, down from 10.7% last season to 8.6% this.

He only has a 20% conversion rate from BIG chances alone ffs

If Darwin Nunez was as good at finishing at Son Heung-Min, he would be on 132 points so far this season. Which is 11 more than Watkins, and 20 more than Haaland.

As it is, he has less points than John McGinn.

Will it ever click? Who knows… but I’ll be fucking here either way.

HM

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