Another weekend of relentless pain comes to a crushing and hopeless end. Especially if you owned any of these urine soaked morons. Let us dive in. POPE – 5.0 – NEWCASTLE A truly dreadful performance, like a marionette being remotely controlled by Martin Dubravka. Not content with showing the distribution of a DPD driver, Pope…
A game week of absolutely wild variance. Hat tricks, horror shows and bench blockers everywhere. Did you get lucky? Well did you, punk. It’s Team of the Weak time. Let’s fucking dive in. MURIC – 4.5 – IPSWICH You could see the confusion behind his eyes during this performance. The keeper of a team desperate…
Still unsure how to play this game of wank? Tired of the endless content saying PICK X or SUBSCRIBE TO Y? Do you even know what a fucking chip is? Let’s dive in. PICK PLAYERS WHO START FOOTBALL MATCHES This sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many people like to plug maverick xMinute risks…
Or why you should stop everything and add Rodrigo Muniz to your team RIGHT NOW! Don’t believe me? Here is why he is THE striker to own from the start and all other options are absolute WASTEMEN! Rodrigo Muniz Carvalho was born in Brazil. Which instantly makes him cooler than any footballer who wasn’t unless…
Confused by the choice available to you this season for your FPL midfielders slots? Well, look no further, because this guide will help you imagine them as cheeses. So just pick the ones you want to eat the most! Unless you’re a vegan or hate cheese, in which case, I dunno, play Sorare. Or fantasy…
It’s over. It’s done. Let us see what XI luminaries made their way into the FPL Team of the Weak. The end of the season edition. All visuals by the absolutely wonderful @fpldoodles1 – a light in the FPL community of fucking blackness. Let’s dive the hell in. One. Last. Time. EDERSON Still a member…
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But enough about watching Manchester United, try doing that whilst owning their defenders in FPL as well. Like turning up to a live torture event and saying PICK ME! Fuck this shit, let’s dive in to the Gameweek 36 wreckage. ONANA – 5.0 – MANCHESTER UTD Who…
Imagine waiting 35 weeks to play a wildcard for this tornado of horseshit. Players going down like they’re in Enemy of the fucking Gates the second they enter my team. Let’s dive in before two more get bloody snipered in Gameweek 35. EDERSON – 5.5 – MANCHESTER CITY I’ve been burnt by the Wildcard/Bench Boost…
What is left at this point, but to pick ourselves off the turf and somehow find a way to keep going in the face of such reckless shite. Deep breath. Let’s dive in and try and forget any of this ever happened in Gameweek 33. MURIC – 4.3 – BURNLEY Burnley have had half the…
GAMEWEEK 30’S PISS POOR THINGS I hope you all had a good Easter, sat there with your fucking roasts, chocolate and FPL points whilst some people died on the fucking cross and got none. They also didn’t get the Team of the Weak article for Gameweek 30, either. Let’s do this. LENO – 4.8 –…
