Unlucky for some. Especially if you bought Eze, captained him, and made him the subject of a £100 bet to get some fucking Hufflepuff to follow you. Which XI players of crystallised anal essence made the hallowed halls this week. Let’s get this over with. SANCHEZ – 4.6 – CHELSEA I still don’t quite know…
SHITIZEN KANE Who littered the streets of filth this week? Let’s dive in and find out before we have to endure a Biscuit World Cup on Twitter FPL. JOHNSTONE – 4.6 – CRYSTAL PALACE 1 save in a 3-goal home loss to Everton is basically the footballing equivalent of a Darwin award. That’s Charles Darwin…
SHIT BUTTY Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey. To only pick XI from this plethora of pillocks is a job way above my station. At least once a season you normally see an FPL week this bad. But not this bad. Blackbox expert wanker AZ has 11 points. Eleven. That’s less than a point…
SHIT SHIT BANG BANG After a week off in the Maltese sun I return to this shower of acid piss. Let us waste no time, and dive in to see which 11 wastemen made the cut for excremental ineptitude this gameweek. MARTINEZ – 4.9 – ASTON VILLA This feels a harsh inclusion. But conceding a…
GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN Crash, bang, fucking hell what a shitshow. 8 weeks down and the only positive to this season so far is that it’s almost 25% of the way through. Let’s see which pillocks littered the gates of hell this Team of the weak. ONANA – 4.9 – MANCHESTER UNITED I’ve…
THE DEFENCE RESTS Literally. What the fuck were these useless clown ticklers doing. More minus points than a fucking maths convention. Let’s dive in and see who needs to be metaphorically hung, drawn and quartered this week. TEAM OF THE WEAK – GAMEWEEK 7. EDERSON – 5.6M – MANCHESTER CITY A welcome return to Ederson…
Tripe. Shite. Piss. Which reckless simpletons have made their way into the hallowed halls of excrement this weekend. Let us not stand around aimlessly like a Brentford back four without Ben Mee. Let’s dive in. FODERINGHAM – 4.5 – SHEFFIELD UNITED If a team physically cannot defend set pieces, you have to look at the…
Which utterly useless pillocks of piss walked the plank this week in Gameweek 4. Let’s dive in, find out, and realise it’s a full 2 weeks until we have to go through this desperate dross of disappointment once more. ONANA – 5.0 – MANCHESTER UTD Rotating nicely with Pickford in this column, the new Utd…
Crash, bang, wallop… what a fucking shitshow. Let’s see which XI pillocks dropped the proverbial football this weekend. Well? Let’s dive the absolute hell in. ONANA – 5.0 – MANCHESTER UNITED It’s hard to blame a keeper when a player runs 70 yards without a tackle on goal. But also, simply lying on the floor…
Hindu Monkey casts his sobbing face over which XI players let themselves and their families down this gameweek. Yes, I know there is a game left, but I’m off to the seaside tomorrow to rescue some donkeys, so you’re just going to have to cope with this a day early. Let us dive into GW2’s…